used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize