Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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