Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
