For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
