With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
