I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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