Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
