My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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