you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
