I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
