Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
