why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
