Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
