y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
