Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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