everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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