if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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