she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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