sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
