Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
