Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize