there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
