The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
