I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Is it because I queefed?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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