Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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