I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I need to stop coming to work sober
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
