"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
