I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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