I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize