Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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