I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
