I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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