your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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