Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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