Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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