either way he was missing a nipple.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
third nipple confirmed
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
