i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I won't apologize to a one balled man
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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