I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
