I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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