walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
