kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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