I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
