We're like a lot better than the average bears
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
