Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
