you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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