what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
