I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
