I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
