youre lurking in front of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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