I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
