When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
