just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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