Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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