At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
