I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
