Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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