why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I need moral support for this bender
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize