I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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