There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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