Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
