I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
