New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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