i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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