I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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