I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It's like God shit irony all over that family
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
