Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
