The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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