did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
then he tried to convert me to islam
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
