You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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