Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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