Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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