i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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