Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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