How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize