At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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