We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
