He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
