The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize