How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
