Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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