the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
