I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize