Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
