shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
