im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
