I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No more Irish car bombs ever.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
