I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
