Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
