Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize