I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
