look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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