I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
