The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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