He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
