If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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