I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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