i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
