But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
