I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
