Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize