sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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