Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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