You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
