How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
