Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
