My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize