My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
