i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
