My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
