I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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