i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
