maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
