I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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