After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
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