they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
