I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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