Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
