I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
