i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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