Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
