I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
